Chapter 4:
In chapter four I really enjoyed looking at the pictures children drew. I love looking at children's drawings, they are so cute, and they also tell a lot about the child.
Like, the picture Maddy drew (figure 4-1 in the book), she drew her whole family, and made sure to point out she is just as important as everyone else in the picture. The picture doesn’t have very much detail, but you can tell they are people, some are bigger than the others, and they have smiles on their faces. From Maddy's drawing you can tell she is happy, and has self-worth because she drew a smiley face on everyone in her family, as well as herself. In the book it states, "...she is already beginning to define who she is and who she is not and where she fits in her social world, which consists primarily of her family. When a child is pre-school age (ages 2, 3, and 4) they define themselves in obvious ways, “I have brown hair.”, “I have blue eyes.”, “I have a bike.” When children are at the pre-school age they view themselves very happy and positive because they have never had to feel anything but happy and positive.
As the children grow older, they are able to begin to develop multiple feelings, fears, and emotions. That is why when children get older and they draw pictures they can focus more of attributes of themselves and make the picture look more like them (figure 4-3 in the book). Cauleen’s self portrait she drew at age 11 is a lot different than Maddy’s picture she drew at age 4. There is more attention to detail, there is hair, glasses, clothing on Cauleen’s picture, whereas Maddy’s consists of stick figures.
In chapter four is discusses praise, and what is and is not effective for a child. Effective praise can have a positive impact on children’s evaluation of themselves. As adults we think children need a lot of positive in their lives, but research shows this is not always the case. The child can tell if the adult is offering praise that is insincere, and that can have a negative impact on the child. The child may suspect something with the adult, and therefore it would impact their relationship. If you overuse praise as an adult can also contribute to a child’s view of themselves. It may overinflate their views of themselves. Meaningful feedback that relates to the task is the best kind of praise you can give a child.
I work as a nanny, and for a family I worked for I thought it was great to be giving 100% praise to the children all the time; even when they did a minimal task. I no longer work for this family, but as I read this chapter I was amazed at what kinds of things I was doing for the children by giving them praise that wasn’t necessary or even thoughtful. I think it really impacted my relationship with the children because they knew they would always get praise, but it wasn’t always something they wanted to hear.
Chapter 5:
In chapter five is discusses the appropriate ways of responding to children’s emotions. There are a variety of strategies. Adults need to be aware of how the child is feeling, as well as letting them feel that way. When adults understand where the child is coming from with their emotions, they can help the child work through their emotions and get an understanding as to why they are feeling that way.
1. Children’s emotions are real and legitimate to them.
2. There are not right or wrong emotions. All feeling stem from the primary emotions, which occur naturally.
3. Children are not adept at regulating their emotions, nor can they simply change their emotions on command.
4. All emotions serve useful functions in children’s lives.
Words are the much more satisfying and precise to express ourselves than physical action. When a child is having a challenge encourage them to talk about what they are feeling and why, as well how we can resolve it.
When I worked as a nanny for the same family I mentioned before the six year old boy, Connor, had a really hard time talking about his feelings and what was going on. I worked for their family for two years and right from the start when he would get upset I told him he needs to tell me how he is feeling, and what we could do to resolve it.
I remember one night we were eating dinner, and his sister took something from him and he started crying. Immediately he looked at me and said, “I’m sad because Zoe (his sister) took away my spoon (or whatever it was she took, I can’t remember). I want her to give it back to me.” Connor continued to cry for about 30 seconds and then he asked Zoe to give him back his spoon. I didn’t even need to interfere with the situation because he had identified why he was sad, and how to resolve the situation.
In figure 5-8 it has a chart identifying the benefits of reflecting children’s emotions. Affective reflections are:
• Help children better understand what they are feeling.
• Make it easier for children to draw on past emotional learning.
• Help children differentiate one emotion from another.
• Enhance children’s vocabulary.
• Demonstrate adult caring and respect.
• Show children that emotions are a normal part of living.
In the example I gave above, Connor and I had a long time knowing each other. Every time I was upset or disappointed with an action he or his sister did, I would let them know exactly how I was feeling, what they did to make me upset, and what we can do to resolve it. This worked but easier for discipline with the children, because if they did the action again they knew it would disappoint me. Talking about feelings is the best way to communicate. Even as adults become older, communication problems usually are the number one reason peers have problems with one another. It is crucial to teach children how to talk about their feelings, and a way to resolve it now, because it’s a lot harder to learn the older you get.
Chapter 6:
Chapter 6 discusses childhood stress. There are two reasons to be concerned about childhood stress. First, we know more about both the short-term and long-term effects of stress. If stress is prolonged and intense; it could lead to disease and can trigger emotional and behavior disorders. Second, a child’s stress coping responses are learned early in life through watching how their parents, siblings, extended family, teachers, and peers cope when they are under pressure.
At the beginning of the chapter the book gave three examples of children who are under stress. Each situation is different, each child is a different age, yet they all have one thing in common and that is childhood stress.
One way a child can cope with their stress is to not only talk about their feelings to an adult they trust, but to also help work through it by drawing pictures. In figure 6-2 a third grader has a picture of herself saying, “I don’t want my mom and dad to get ‘devorst’!” by drawing this picture she can not only bring up this in conversation by showing it to her parents but she can work her way through her feelings in pictures.
There are many sources of children’s stress. They are:
Family Stressors: separation and divorce, low-income families, blended families, death, and working parents, children in abusive or neglectful families, and children in foster care.
Extrafamilial Stressors: child care, and stress in the school setting
Health Related Stressors: chronic illness, vulnerable child syndrome (VCS), and withdrawal
Natural Disaster, War, Violence, and Terrorism
As adults, I think sometimes we don’t think children can feel stressed because we think they can’t comprehend it. Children defiantly can feel stress; they know if their parents are stresses, they know if their friends are stressed, they know if grandma and grandpa are stressed. Children feed off emotions, and if an adult in the child’s life is feeling something the child can feel it and recognize it.
Chapter 7:
Chapter 7 discusses enhancing play with children. Play in a crucial element in a child’s life, and as adults we need to be able to get down onto their level and play with them. In class on Wednesday Jolie stated we need to be 1% weird. This rule applies in everything with children! They think it’s funny and exciting when adults are 1% weird. I think it’s a great stress reliever when I can get down and play with a child on their level. It’s so fun, and refreshing!
There are many different types of play. They are:
Exploratory Play
Playing with objects
Dramatic Play
I work now as a nanny for a family with an 18 month old baby girl. One of our favorite things to play is when she pretends to cook something, and I’ll eat it. She is always making me pretend food in her kitchen, and having me try it.
She doesn’t talk yet, but we communicate using facial expressions and sign language. It’s such a activity to play, and we can play for a good 30 minutes using different objects as ingredients and tasting it.