My Top 5 Favorite Things About Child Guidance:

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1. Personal Message: All through-out class when we would "practice" using the personal message I felt so awkward doing it. It didn't feel natural to me to talk about why the child acting the way they were would make me feel sad, mad, or even happy. But, when I was doing my field work and was thrown into a situation where it was definitely needed it came so naturally, and the child/children I was interacting with could understand and relate! All the practice we used in class had paid off, and I had got over my fear and unnaturalness of it, that is was no big deal when I had to use it.

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2. The Four R's of a personal message. Reflect, React, Reason, Rule. In order to pull off a perfect personal message you have to know the "four R's". When doing my field work, I used the "four R's" every opportunity I could to express myself when the child needed encouragement, discipline, or accomplished something.

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3. Structuring The definition of structuring in the book is: the management of time, space, and materials aimed at promoting children's social competence. Doing my field work, there was no set schedule for the children. They would get a little wild and crazy when they didn't know what was next, or what was coming. Structure and routines are what children need!

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4. Daily Schedule I have learned a lot from doing my field work. I think the most valuable thing I will take away from it is how important a daily schedule is for children. An easy way to go from one activity to another is doing a fun transition to get their wiggles out, and prepare them for the next thing.

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5. Making a Difference in Children's Lives Throughout the semester, we have learned that we are the difference in children's lives. We never are late, we never are without materials or have materials that don't work, we never make a child feel like they are not important or safe. We will get something new and different from each child we come in contact with. No two children are alike.

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"...the single best childhood predictor of adult adaptation

is not IQ nor school grades, but rather the

adequeacy with which a child gets along with others.

Children who are generally disliked, who are aggressive, and disruptive,

who are unable to sustain close relationships with others

...are seriously at risk."

Chapter 11: Fostering Self-Discipline in Children

Concept 1: Personal Message, Warning, and Follow-Through

1a. Personal Message

1b. Pause

2a. Warning

2b. Pause

3. Follow-Through

I have learned through doing my field work, it is very important to pause and make sure the child you are talking with understands what you are saying and if they want to say something they can. The preschool class I worked with had little to no discipline, and they were very confused. They didn't have much of a schedule so there was a lot of fighting and disruptions when they could have been avoided. I think if the teachers who worked with this class daily knew and understood personal message, warning, and follow through as well as when it is appropriate to pause their class would be more behaved.

Concept 2: Four Types of Compliance

Amoral: children have no sense of right or wrong.

Adherence: children respond to rewards and punishments; they often anticipate these and behave accordingly.

Identification: children attempt to adopt behavioral codes of admired others; they second guess how that person might behave in varying situations and act likewise.

Internalization: children govern their behavior using an internal code of ethics created from their own values and judgements.

It is so important to understand where each child is coming from. Once the child has learned self-discipline the adult needs to understand the relationship between their degree of self-discipline.

Chapter 12: Handling Children's Aggressive Behavior

Concept 1: Male/Female Differences in Aggression

-In their first year, little boys and little girls are equally aggressive.

-Between 15 months and 2 years, sex-linked differences in aggression become apparent. Both boys and girls are aggressive, but they express their aggression in different ways.

-Males are more overtly aggressive than females. They use physical force and verbal threat more than females do and are more likely to strike back when aggression is aimed at them.

-Similar differences in overt aggression are found between the sexes across social classes and cultures world-wide.

- Females are more relationally aggressive than males. They are more likely to gossip, snub, or ostracize a peer, or say mean things to assert their power or respond to injury/insult.

-Relational aggression by females appears at levels equal to the overt aggression more typical of males.

- Sex-related differences in aggression are related to: Biology, social learning. Both males and females who display high levels of aggression tend to be rejected by their peers.

Its so important to understand the levels and differences children have with aggression. Aggression in a child stems from somewhere. Its important to know why the child is aggressive, and what type of aggression they are feeling.

Chapter 13: Promoting Prosocial Behavior

Concept 1: Benefits of Engaging in Prosocial Behavior

1. Creates feelings of satisfaction

2. Builds perception of competence

3. Provides entry into social situations

4. Promotes entry into social situations

5. Increases popularity among peers

6. Increases chances of receiving help or cooperation

7. Increases academic performance

8. Leads to positive group atmosphere

Children who are prosocial are more able to ask for assistance from peers and adults, further developing their cognitive abilities and thus creating a more positive school climate for themselves. (Bandura, 1997)

Concept 2: Steps to Acting Prosocially

Step 1: Awareness When children are aware of becoming prosocial, they must accurately interpret what they see and hear. Meaning, they recognize distress signals such as; crying, sighing, grimacing, or struggling as well as verbals cues.

Step 2: Decision Once a child identifies a person in need, they make a decision to act on the need, or not.

Step 3: Action When children assume the responsibility for sharing, helping, or cooperating, they must then select and perform a behavior they think is appropriate to the situation.

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"What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?"

Jean-Jacques Rousseau, 1712-1778

Chapter 8:

Important Concept: the very first sentence of this chapter discusses how important it is for children to have friends and relationships with their peers in order to succeed.

"... one of the most important tasks and valued accomplishments of childhood... the establishment of friendships and an acceptance among peers that frees children up to be themselves."

Important Chart:

Variables that influence children's peer relationships and friendships.

Chapter 9:

Important Concept:

Structuring is the management of time, space, and materials aimed at promoting children's social competence.

Important Concept:

Three reasons why there is structure in a child's physical environment:

1. structure in advance and consider how much time, space, and materials might be best.

2. structure on the spot to resolve problems as the arise.

3. structure to teach children how to make decisions themselves.

Chapter 10:

Important Chart:

Orientations to Self-Discipline

Important Chart:

Articulating the entire personal message.

The Four R's chart is an easy way to remember how to create a complete personal message for a child.

Chapter 4:
In chapter four I really enjoyed looking at the pictures children drew. I love looking at children's drawings, they are so cute, and they also tell a lot about the child.
Like, the picture Maddy drew (figure 4-1 in the book), she drew her whole family, and made sure to point out she is just as important as everyone else in the picture. The picture doesn’t have very much detail, but you can tell they are people, some are bigger than the others, and they have smiles on their faces. From Maddy's drawing you can tell she is happy, and has self-worth because she drew a smiley face on everyone in her family, as well as herself. In the book it states, "...she is already beginning to define who she is and who she is not and where she fits in her social world, which consists primarily of her family. When a child is pre-school age (ages 2, 3, and 4) they define themselves in obvious ways, “I have brown hair.”, “I have blue eyes.”, “I have a bike.” When children are at the pre-school age they view themselves very happy and positive because they have never had to feel anything but happy and positive.
As the children grow older, they are able to begin to develop multiple feelings, fears, and emotions. That is why when children get older and they draw pictures they can focus more of attributes of themselves and make the picture look more like them (figure 4-3 in the book). Cauleen’s self portrait she drew at age 11 is a lot different than Maddy’s picture she drew at age 4. There is more attention to detail, there is hair, glasses, clothing on Cauleen’s picture, whereas Maddy’s consists of stick figures.
In chapter four is discusses praise, and what is and is not effective for a child. Effective praise can have a positive impact on children’s evaluation of themselves. As adults we think children need a lot of positive in their lives, but research shows this is not always the case. The child can tell if the adult is offering praise that is insincere, and that can have a negative impact on the child. The child may suspect something with the adult, and therefore it would impact their relationship. If you overuse praise as an adult can also contribute to a child’s view of themselves. It may overinflate their views of themselves. Meaningful feedback that relates to the task is the best kind of praise you can give a child.
I work as a nanny, and for a family I worked for I thought it was great to be giving 100% praise to the children all the time; even when they did a minimal task. I no longer work for this family, but as I read this chapter I was amazed at what kinds of things I was doing for the children by giving them praise that wasn’t necessary or even thoughtful. I think it really impacted my relationship with the children because they knew they would always get praise, but it wasn’t always something they wanted to hear.
Chapter 5:
In chapter five is discusses the appropriate ways of responding to children’s emotions. There are a variety of strategies. Adults need to be aware of how the child is feeling, as well as letting them feel that way. When adults understand where the child is coming from with their emotions, they can help the child work through their emotions and get an understanding as to why they are feeling that way.
1. Children’s emotions are real and legitimate to them.
2. There are not right or wrong emotions. All feeling stem from the primary emotions, which occur naturally.
3. Children are not adept at regulating their emotions, nor can they simply change their emotions on command.
4. All emotions serve useful functions in children’s lives.
Words are the much more satisfying and precise to express ourselves than physical action. When a child is having a challenge encourage them to talk about what they are feeling and why, as well how we can resolve it.
When I worked as a nanny for the same family I mentioned before the six year old boy, Connor, had a really hard time talking about his feelings and what was going on. I worked for their family for two years and right from the start when he would get upset I told him he needs to tell me how he is feeling, and what we could do to resolve it.
I remember one night we were eating dinner, and his sister took something from him and he started crying. Immediately he looked at me and said, “I’m sad because Zoe (his sister) took away my spoon (or whatever it was she took, I can’t remember). I want her to give it back to me.” Connor continued to cry for about 30 seconds and then he asked Zoe to give him back his spoon. I didn’t even need to interfere with the situation because he had identified why he was sad, and how to resolve the situation.
In figure 5-8 it has a chart identifying the benefits of reflecting children’s emotions. Affective reflections are:
• Help children better understand what they are feeling.
• Make it easier for children to draw on past emotional learning.
• Help children differentiate one emotion from another.
• Enhance children’s vocabulary.
• Demonstrate adult caring and respect.
• Show children that emotions are a normal part of living.
In the example I gave above, Connor and I had a long time knowing each other. Every time I was upset or disappointed with an action he or his sister did, I would let them know exactly how I was feeling, what they did to make me upset, and what we can do to resolve it. This worked but easier for discipline with the children, because if they did the action again they knew it would disappoint me. Talking about feelings is the best way to communicate. Even as adults become older, communication problems usually are the number one reason peers have problems with one another. It is crucial to teach children how to talk about their feelings, and a way to resolve it now, because it’s a lot harder to learn the older you get.
Chapter 6:
Chapter 6 discusses childhood stress. There are two reasons to be concerned about childhood stress. First, we know more about both the short-term and long-term effects of stress. If stress is prolonged and intense; it could lead to disease and can trigger emotional and behavior disorders. Second, a child’s stress coping responses are learned early in life through watching how their parents, siblings, extended family, teachers, and peers cope when they are under pressure.
At the beginning of the chapter the book gave three examples of children who are under stress. Each situation is different, each child is a different age, yet they all have one thing in common and that is childhood stress.
One way a child can cope with their stress is to not only talk about their feelings to an adult they trust, but to also help work through it by drawing pictures. In figure 6-2 a third grader has a picture of herself saying, “I don’t want my mom and dad to get ‘devorst’!” by drawing this picture she can not only bring up this in conversation by showing it to her parents but she can work her way through her feelings in pictures.
There are many sources of children’s stress. They are:
Family Stressors: separation and divorce, low-income families, blended families, death, and working parents, children in abusive or neglectful families, and children in foster care.
Extrafamilial Stressors: child care, and stress in the school setting
Health Related Stressors: chronic illness, vulnerable child syndrome (VCS), and withdrawal
Natural Disaster, War, Violence, and Terrorism
As adults, I think sometimes we don’t think children can feel stressed because we think they can’t comprehend it. Children defiantly can feel stress; they know if their parents are stresses, they know if their friends are stressed, they know if grandma and grandpa are stressed. Children feed off emotions, and if an adult in the child’s life is feeling something the child can feel it and recognize it.
Chapter 7:
Chapter 7 discusses enhancing play with children. Play in a crucial element in a child’s life, and as adults we need to be able to get down onto their level and play with them. In class on Wednesday Jolie stated we need to be 1% weird. This rule applies in everything with children! They think it’s funny and exciting when adults are 1% weird. I think it’s a great stress reliever when I can get down and play with a child on their level. It’s so fun, and refreshing!
There are many different types of play. They are:
Exploratory Play
Playing with objects
Dramatic Play
I work now as a nanny for a family with an 18 month old baby girl. One of our favorite things to play is when she pretends to cook something, and I’ll eat it. She is always making me pretend food in her kitchen, and having me try it.
She doesn’t talk yet, but we communicate using facial expressions and sign language. It’s such a activity to play, and we can play for a good 30 minutes using different objects as ingredients and tasting it.

"the more we get together, together, together.

the more we get together, the happier we'll be."

"Socially competent children are happier than their less competent peers." (NASP, 2002)

In high school I was popular. I didn't succeed in school to my fullest potential; but I was happy. I wanted to go to school. I had fun going. I enjoyed the classes I took, and understood what was going on in each of my classes. I felt accomplished and I had fun going. High school for me was very social, and I was happy because of that. Most of my high school teachers enjoyed what they were teaching and had a passion for it. They loved their job just as much as I loved going to High School.

Junior High and Middle School was a totally different story. There was only 1 or 2 teachers I really liked, and that I felt loved their job. The others were just waiting to retire, and didn't care much about what they were teaching. I hated Junior High and Middle School. I couldn't wait for 2:30 to roll around so I could go home. I didn't succeed in hardly any classes. I didn't want to go to school everyday. It was not a social experience for me.

As I think back to Elementary School, I had fun going to class. I was exciting to learn something new everyday, and expand my education. I think back and compare High School and Elementary School to each other. My teachers in Elementary School had a passion for their career, and were motivated by their students to help them succeed.

"the things YOU say and do will make a real difference in children's lives"

My mom taught pre-school in our home when I was younger. We moved to Northern Utah when I was around 10 years old, and my mom began teaching High School. She loved her job. She was passionate about it. She loved her students like her own children. I saw that same passion my mom had for her students in a lot of my teachers as well. I think back, and remember how special I felt when one of my teachers would do something specific for me, or pointed out something I did right. I remember when I was in 2nd grade we had a reading chart, and my teacher said if we read 1,000 pages before the end of the school year she would take us to get a milk shake. I read the 1,000 pages, and was able to get a milk shake with my teacher. It was so exciting to get some 1 on 1 time with my teacher. We stayed after school together, and ate our milkshakes talking about the books I read. She was interested in me, and it made me feel so much better about myself.

It is so important that as a teacher we help children feel confident and important.